My 2 year struggle with infertility
If you follow me on Instagram, you may know that on September 10th, I had a baby girl. What you may not know is that I went through a 2 year struggle with infertility before getting pregnant. I’ve debated on whether or not to share this story, but I figured if it could help one person out there who is struggling with infertility or struggling to manifest something big in their life, then I needed to share.
I’ve always been a master manifestor. I’ve been able to attract things into my life quickly with the Law of Attraction.
I teach people every day about using the Law of Attraction to manifest their desires, and for the first time, the very thing I desired wasn’t happening for me.
When I had my daughter Alexis ten years ago, I remember feeling so complete. I didn’t feel the longing for another child. I was perfectly content with our family of 3. We did everything together and were happy.
Around the time my daughter turned 6, she became very independent. One of our favorite things to do on the weekends was go to Disney World, and I noticed she was quickly growing out of the Mickey and Disney Princess phase.
That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t ready to be done with that phase. I wasn’t ready for the baby years to be over. The years had flown by, and I was still so young. That couldn’t be it.
I wasn’t ready to be finished with that chapter of my life. All of a sudden, I had a longing to have another child.
It took almost 2 years to get my husband on board, but eventually he did. I was expecting things to work out exactly as they did with my first pregnancy. I would decide I wanted a baby and I’d get pregnant right away. I started planning out my leave from work and looking at baby clothes. But month after month would go by with no luck.
I went from feeling excited to worried to depressed as the months continued to pass by. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. I had set this expectation of getting pregnant right away, and when it didn’t happen according to my plan, I allowed anxious thoughts to consume me. It was all I could think about.
As I saw people around me getting pregnant, I started to allow envy to swallow me. Instead of looking at these people who were pregnant as a sign that it was getting closer to me, I viewed it with a jealous lens, which pushed it further and further away from me.
I played the victim. I kept thinking why is this not happening for me? What’s wrong with me?
I shifted blame onto myself for waiting too long to try. I told myself how selfish I was for initially not wanting to have more kids.
Then I started looking for answers. I needed to know why.
I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. Was I not healthy enough? Did I have a medical reason why I couldn’t conceive?
I took every test imaginable and every time the test results came back that there was absolutely nothing wrong from a medical standpoint. Instead of being grateful, I would feel frustrated that I still didn’t have an answer as to why I couldn’t get pregnant.
My thoughts turned nastier over time. When I saw mothers with their children at the store that looked tired and cranky, I would pass judgement thinking how they weren’t even grateful for being able to have children when so many people could not.
Then one day, as I was coaching someone on what was blocking them from manifesting, I realized that I was not walking the walk.
I knew exactly what to coach other people on, but I wasn’t taking my own advice. All those negative thoughts and the worry and anxiety were repelling the very thing I was trying to manifest. I had blocked out gratitude and joy and replaced those high vibrational feelings with dark, negative emotions, thoughts and feelings. No wonder I couldn’t get pregnant!
Every time I was presented with signs that came in the form of pregnant women, newborns, mothers, I was giving off negative energy that was putting me in a lower vibrational frequency and blocking me from manifesting.
This realization hit me hard. I couldn’t believe how it took me so long to see it! I felt like a fraud. The very barriers that I help others overcome were the same ones holding me back. I knew I needed to shift my energy immediately, and the quickest way to do that is through gratitude.
I began giving gratitude for my health, my body and my baby knowing she was on her way to me.
I gave gratitude for my oldest daughter who made me a mother. I gave gratitude for all of my friends and their children. When I heard the news of someone getting pregnant, I would feel immense joy for them. When I saw a baby, I would look in awe at the tiny miracle that was created.
If I found myself having a bad day and going back to those feelings of jealousy or anxiety, I would become conscious of the feeling, have grace with myself and remind myself that everything was working out for me.
After 2 years of struggling with infertility, I decided to go to a fertility specialist.
I was tired of going through disappointment month after month, and I felt that I needed answers. What I was seeking deep down was closure. I just wanted to know once and for all that it wasn’t going to happen, so I could move on.
Before the appointment, I told myself that I would be at peace with whatever news I got. After reviewing my medical history, the fertility specialist sat me down in his office and said I could get pregnant with fertility treatments. I immediately smiled and filled with hope and joy. He followed that by saying that although it was possible, he was not going to help me because I have a medical condition that would make it far too risky. He then advised me against pregnancy telling me that it could be fatal, and he would not work with me.
I went from feeling hopeful to devastated in that matter of 2 minutes. I reminded myself that I would accept the outcome, so I thanked him for giving me closure, and I went home and allowed myself to feel everything that was bottling up inside of me over the past 2 years.
I cried all afternoon and evening. I let myself fully feel the pain and disappointment. I allowed myself to throw a full-on pity party that evening. Then I picked myself up and said whatever is meant to be will be.
I surrendered and had complete faith that there was a reason or something far beyond me for going through this, and I accepted that the universe had my best intentions at heart.
After that day, I felt lighter. I felt 2 years of painful emotions lift off my shoulders. I felt resolved. I finally had the closure I needed so I could let go and move on. We know with the Law of Attraction that letting go and having complete and utter faith is a vital step in manifesting, but once again, I had my blinders on and couldn’t see this for myself.
Little did I know that letting go was the key that would allow me to break through the barriers I was experiencing because a few weeks after letting go and having faith in the universe, I found out I was pregnant! I knew that letting go was the key in manifesting this miracle.
Throughout the next 9 months, I felt gratitude every day for this miracle baby. I gave gratitude for my health. I would say thank you every morning for having a healthy baby, and I would visualize a quick and easy labor and delivery. I never allowed myself to worry or dwell on what the doctor said about my pregnancy being risky.
I only focused on the outcome I wanted.
When the day finally arrived for me to have the baby, I kept visualizing myself holding a perfectly healthy baby. I kept saying thanks over and over again in my mind.
At one point during labor, my blood pressure got really low to the point that alarms were going off to alert the nurses.
As my blood pressure kept dropping, I saw the look of panic in my mom’s eyes. I watched the nurses and anesthesiologist come in and out of the room giving me more medication and continually checking the monitor waiting for my blood pressure to go back up only to see that it was still dropping. I heard the alarm go off every 5 minutes notifying the medical team I was below the normal range.
In those moments, I decided to surrender and have faith that everything would be ok.
I would not allow myself to panic or worry about the worst-case scenario. I kept giving gratitude over and over again for my health and saying thank you for a quick and easy delivery. I knew I had to have faith and keep visualizing a positive outcome, and a positive outcome was exactly what I got.
At 1:49 pm on September 10, 2019, Amelia was born. She was perfectly healthy and so was I.
This tiny miracle reminded me how important it is to have faith and trust that the universe has my back. It reinforced everything I teach on a daily basis about manifesting. It was a long 2 years with a lot of ups and downs, but it reinforced my faith and reminded me how powerful our mind is in creating the world around us. Sometimes, we all need that reminder.
If you are struggling with manifesting, I hope this gives you hope and reinforces the importance of having unwavering faith that it will happen for you. You may also find this article helpful on the 5 most common barriers to manifesting.
P.S. – You can take my Manifestation Coursefor only $11 with code 11. Sign uptoday before the offer expires and let me know what miracles you manifest by connecting with me on Instagram @LawOfAttractionTribe. I check every DM and tag!